When we have a "Creative block" – here's what NOT to do.
Are you doing this one thing that stifles your creativity, your output, heck - your entire life?
I have this friend, who is a well established and an incredibly talented artist. I’m not exaggerating or being extra nice. This dude is a GENIUS.
His paintings are exactly what I think a great artist would produce. They are spunky, interesting, perfectly balanced, nicely composed, and they make me think and feel stuff. Most importantly - I want his art on my walls. Heck, I want to make more money just so I can buy a house with MORE WALLS for the art that he makes. That’s how much I admire and love him and his work. (And he is this one big love-bug of a human. You’d adore him too.)
He is well recognized in his circle of influence, so it’s not just me and my not-very-artsy-but-creative take on things I see and feel good about.
In a nutshell - he is DAMN GOOD.
He started seeing this woman a while ago, who is also a great and successful artist. She creates her art non-stop like a machine. And this man is in AWE of her. And he is completely head over heels in love with her. They are quite a power couple in the art world.
I thought they probably feed off each other’s energy and thrive together! I was so happy to hear about this union, I thought to myself: “a genius squared - this has got to be good”.
Alas, I was shown otherwise.
We haven’t spoken in ~2 years and recently I reached out to check on him, cause… well, he lives in Italy, so.
As soon as we finished discussing the current situation in Milan he told me that he hasn’t created any original work since the day he’d met this lady he’s with. That the person who is next to him now, who occupies his heart and his mind - she feels so big to him, so bright, and so amazing, - that he is convinced he has none of her talent, and he sees himself small, unimportant, and uninteresting in comparison.
How did he become so blinded to his own light that he can’t even freaking paint?
The whole thing is breaking my heart, because I love his light and his work. There’s so much of it in him - it’s the endless creative expression.
As I listened to him talk - I recognized that same thing in me.
And then - in other people I know.
I recognized that we, humans, do this to ourselves.
We LOVE to dim our own light when we love someone else.
They are so bright, smart and successful that we often have the opposite result than what we’d hoped to get from this proximity to them. And instead of being inspired and saying “I can do this too” - we make ourselves feel small, insignificant and “disabled”.
This happened to me and one of my ex-boyfriends. (I’ll get to it in a little bit.)
This also happens when we work with our business coaches -
when we have someone great to look up to and learn from. We see that they’ve achieved what we didn’t even dream of. They are making millions of dollars. They’re buying houses in Hamptons.
And you wanna be their superstar student, and maybe you even are a superstar student, but when the night is dark - you, again, dip your big spoon into that all too familiar bowl of “Am I good enough?”. Yumm!
What to do?
When we are standing next to someone so accomplished, so smart, so successful, so “Everything that we’re not” - it is important that we also recognize what attracts them to us.
Something that WE have - and that they don’t. By the way, that’s why they like us / are drawn to us. They are attracted to us for THAT REASON.
That said - if this is happening to you, like it does to my friend above (and to me - aaaalll the freaking time) - can you consider joining me and deciding once and for all - that
YES, you are NOT any of those things that you admire in someone else.
And it’s OKAY.
And then (ok, this is cheesy, but…) - will you consider telling yourself that you are “complete”, and necessary, and super valuable to the world - JUST as you are?
We cannot buy this certainty and this faith in ourselves with expensive coaching. We cannot inherit it either. It’s a muscle that we’ll have to train from now on.
Back to this artist-friend I was telling you about…
I SEE his genius. I KNOW it’s there. I’m INSPIRED by it.
But of course - there are no words to describe it to him, all I can do is grab him by his shoulders and… shake him! Hard!
He must grab a hold of it himself. Because even if I think I see it - I can’t possibly see the whole picture. He’s the only one who can.
How do I grab a hold of that better spoon for ME? How do YOU grab a hold of it for yourself?
Here are the steps to overcoming “feeling stuck”
to help you tap into your creative genius,
to get you grounded -
so you can lean into and
FALL IN LOVE with who you are.
STEP 1. Identify who it is that you’re looking up to.
Sometimes we’re not aware whose light is blinding us to our own genius. So this step is as important as it gets before you move on to the next.
For me - 6 years ago it was my boyfriend. He ran this fabulous camera store and I was just in awe of the entire operation. And I knew I could use the situation and learn from him, but I was feeling completely blown away and overwhelmed. I was not seeing that there’s only that much one man can do. That he had partners and a ton of employees. And at the end there wasn’t all that much to be blinded by, but because I locked myself in my “am I good enough” - I didn’t learn anything in the process. At least nothing that would help me (personally) with where I wanted to go.
And these days I look up to other successful entrepreneurs - who are my coaches, or podcasters, or book writers - everyone who has shifted my perspective in any major way - now I’m finding myself overwhelmed by THEM. Unless I keep myself in check here. And here’s how I do it.
STEP 2. What is it that they have that I don’t?
Write that list down as complete as possible. I’m giving you 3 examples of my own:
Amy P.’s podcast that supports and helps a TON of people; she has a team of people working with her to grow her fabulous business. We started at the same freaking time! 11 years ago! And I have no team. I have no time or energy to run a podcast. I’m feeling like a failure just thinking about running a podcast.
Laura B.’s got a brain that won’t stop. Someone puts a bit of copy in front of her and she’s re-writing it as she reads it. By the time I’m finished processing what’s in that copy - she’s already re-written it in such a way that it jumps at a reader and works it’s magic. Talk about a fast thinker AND an amazing writer in one person. And at the moment I’m forgetting she’s been writing copy ALL of her adult life. She’s done nothing else but write copy. She admits that she doesn’t even cook.
I’m currently coaching with her, by the way, and I’m so in awe of her, it’s a tad creepy. I even insta-stalked her and all her friends on their last trip to Marrakech. But that’s Morocco, which I hold a special place in my heart, so I excused myself. And I’m holding on to that excuse.
And THIS, by the way, is how I want YOUR people to stalk you too. This is how important YOU can become in someone’s life. We do it through “branding” and putting our best (and true!) selves out there.
James W. shoots spectacularly entertaining and cinematic videos for his launches. And his launches are so elaborate - how on earth could I possibly ever. Even.
(I tell myself: “well, Irina.. he’s come a long way too, my dear, and that wasn’t how it all started for him either”.)
And all these people are saying one thing in unison - it’s all about CONSISTENCY and SHOWING UP. And that’s what’s probably missing for you, like it was missing for me a year ago - we need to develop this innate habit of consistent showing up.
For sakes of creating this consistency - I started writing for 2 hours a day (every day) 5 months after I joined this coaching program - “Shrimp Club - an online coaching party” with Laura Belgray.
This is my “consistency”.
And your consistency is on YOU, my friend.
I am here to help you with SHOWING UP part - with all the services and programs I offer.
Let’s get back to your CREATIVE BLOCK.
STEP 3: This is the step where I admit to myself that I don’t have any of these things that these super-stars have.
And I also admit that I don’t necessarily HAVE to have what they have in order to achieve my version of success.
Ok. I’m feeling better already. Don’t you?
I know that what I want to focus on right now - is NOT shooting elaborate cinematic projects to boost my launches. And NOT creating and running a podcast that actually requires a team, or a full time job (if not two jobs), to run. And I might never have Laura’s brain for copy, humor and quirk.
I can stay secretly in love with these folks all I want, but there’s something in me that they don’t have. Something I can lean into and that can make ME a superstar if I stick to showing up consistently.
What is it?
List it all here.
Here’s some from my list as I wrote it in my journal (full transparency, if it helps you):
1. the expertise I have is unique. It can only be had by people who've done&studied photography, computer science and marketing - COMBINED. Which kinda makes me a UNICORN.
(Oh yes, I just did. And you should too!)
There are very few of us in the world. I’m a nerd, I’m a techie, and I started, ran, failed (and recuperated - several times) a business for 11 years - all by myself.
I’ve coached with a number of geniuses and learned a great deal from them…
I AM a Unicorn.
2. I am leaning into writing a lot. Not too many people (who don’t write for a living) do that. Getting up at 5 so I can finish 2 hours of writing every day regardless of what kind of work awaits me today - that’s my COMMITMENT. I cannot wait to see what comes of this. I just have to tell myself every morning that I’m perfectly capable of producing consistent valuable content and attracting the good people who NEED what I have.
3. I’m an exercise hog. I “show up” consistently to maintain my body in good shape. I watch what I eat, exercise and listen to my body (and my nutritionist friend!).
I can totally lean into that because that makes me physically unstoppable. I can be a “machine”.
And this is something those super stars of mine do as well! Every single one of them has some kind of a workout regimen. Maybe Laura and James are luckier in terms of the diet. Heck, she even puts dairy in her coffee. And she eats PASTA. Ugh. That’s just… annoying.
This helps me to have a stable emotional and mental energy, which leads to stable work ethics. I have the physical capacity to work hard and to be consistent. And I’m training myself to get better at it every single day: by writing 2 hours a day, by exercising, by committing to my online community, by eating the foods that are good for me and don’t throw me into chemical imbalance. Which in turn causes emotional imbalance and wreaks havoc on my work life.
No, I can’t lean into being an introvert.
We should all stop trying to make that sound cooler than it is. It just IS.
Extraverts can lean into being extraverts. It’s good for their business. We - introverts - should shut up and find something else to lean into. I’m a great listener, for example…
4. I can take great selfies!
Not “phone”-selfies.
Serious creative photos that require time to setup and arrange. I can hold a whole 100 days of selfies project where I create a selfie a day.
(Ugh, what a big undertaking.)
But hey, it’s worth considering. I can do a selfie a week. That’s fine too. That will show off my creative range much better than what people hire me to do for them. They, most of the time, have no clue what’s even possible. This could definitely be something I can lean into.
5. I have a passion for being on stage.
I can speak on stage. I can “show up” as a speaker and I can teach.
I love comedy and I take improv classes to get better at performing.
Which means - I can speak in public and be funny at the same time.
That’s a good thing to lean into!
6. I am single.
Ok, hold before you judge…
I don’t have a demanding partner.
I COULD have a nice supportive partner, yes - but we’re focusing on positives here. I have nobody stealing my creative energy, but myself. My son asks for very little of me right now. All he wants is space and financial support. I’m giving him that. I almost never ask for anything of him other than to fulfill his duties in our household and his community.
As of Summer 2020 I am free to go anywhere in the world. I literally don’t have any attachments left.
I can consider leaning into that - being geographically flexible.
7. I am an immigrant and I’m super adaptable.
For some reason non 1st-gen immigrants in this country find my childhood stories fascinating. I can use those “weird” stories to make them part of the brand.
ETC.
So here you go. I’ve laid it all out even with my own personal examples. What about you, friend? Can you do this for yourself and help yourself to start seeing and focusing on YOUR OWN LIGHT instead of theirs?
This is a “self-help” part of this blog.
Want more? Let me know in a comment.
PS: remember the part where I mentioned that I help people with SHOWING UP?
Yes, that one.
I do.
I help people make their online brand more powerful and more profitable -
with the power of images and especially photos.
To get started all you have to do is sign up and get my brain downloads via email.
I’ll also send you a surprise gift!